My Appointment

Well I just got back this morning from seeing the GP who is a fertility specialist.
Nothing special really but he has booked me in for some blood tests (a lot actually - he said if I am not anemic when I go in, I will be when I leave!). But I have to wait until I have a period as these tests need to be done between CD 3-5 so I need to call in when I get a period and book the blood tests then.
He said the most likely think he could think it is is PCOS...whatever that is. But that we won't really know anything until the blood tests come through and I can find out those results about 10 days after they are done as a few of them are really complex and take a bit longer than the rest. He said that if anything else shows up, most likely it will be something that can easily be fixed as clearly I am ovulating and we are having successes, but they are just not staying put!
So really...I am back to waiting but lets hope theres something there because then I feel I can do something about it, and it can easily be fixed then and then maybe a baby will decide to stay put!!!

Appointment

I braved it and called our medical practice to see someone about the miscarriages I have had and see if we can work something out and get to the bottom of this. I have an appointment on Monday with a GP who specialises in/takes great interest in 'fertility issues'. Hopefully we can figure it out so that the next time I get pregnant, I have a baby that stays put a happy and healthy 9 months!
I am looking forward to the appointment and am trying not to think too much of anything else at this moment. I have a few ideas of what my 'issue' could be but I am no professional. I just hope that they can give me all they got so that I do not walk away without some kind of answer other than just 'bad luck'.

It's over

I had some spotting last night. Of course I was instantly worried that this baby was not sticking. I was right to be worried too. I had a temp drop this morning and took another pregnancy test which was very light considering I just took one a few days ago that was much much darker.
I'm having another miscarriage.
What is wrong with my body?
At this point it feels like I am never going to get the chance to have another child.
I feel like shit.
DH is staying home with me today. I just don't feel like I can function properly.
I know these feelings will pass and I will be right back to TTC but right now I just can not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I will make an appointment with the GP to see if my concerns about progesterone are correct. There has to be a reason why these babies are just not sticking.
Maybe all the forces in the world just hate me.

5 Weeks Today!

I am 5 Weeks today!
According to my 'Day by Day - Pregnancy Calendar':

"At three weeks’ gestation,
five weeks after your Last Menstrual Period, early heartbeats, facial features and lung buds begin to form."

How cool is that! My little apple seed has a heartbeat! How sweet it will be to hear that in a few months time!

Another boy?

So far I am thinking this baby might be another boy! (I would be wonderfully fine with that! hehe) My first trimester with DS is starting to come back to me and they are both looking very similar. I am not very hungry usually, which is unlike me (hehe) and when I am hungry I am craving a good mix of salty and sweet. Rice loaded with soya sauce seems to really hit the spot, followed by some syrupy sweet waffles for example! Just going to have to wait till June to find out! hehe

Another doula down but slightly more promising...

I got another email this morning from another doula I enquired about and the distance is an issue for her as well (all the doulas available to me are going to be a distance away from me though - not counting the unafordable doula that is only 6 miles away from me, they start out at 15 miles +). On the plus side, this is looking positive for my future career as a doula...hehe. If doulas are going to be sought after in my area, I am going to be the most affordable available one around! :p
I find it kinda ironic that I made a short mental list, just based on profle and website (for those that had one) whom I thought I would prefer and in which order and so far that is how they have emailed me! hehe Doula Emma was the first to email me and Doula Rachel was the second. She also has a website and sounds lovely! (I think most doulas must be lovely! hehe) Distance is an issue for her as well, but it looks a bit more promising as she did say that if I am unable to find a doula then perhaps I could get back to her and we could arrange something. This is probably going to end up being the case.

One doula down...

And only a few left to go... I can not afford anything more than a trainee and because of where we live, that does not give me much option!
I just got an email from the doula that I put top of my list based on her profile and website, but she is not happy with the distance between us (an hours drive). Good and bad (for me) about that obviously, she sounds like a lovely doula!...If I get through the list of all available to me in the area that I live in (I searched only up to 20 mile radius), then I may go back to her and beg that she accept the distance and wish for a labour no shorter than 2 hours long :p lol
The 'problem' I can see is that when I went to the doula UK website and searched for doulas in my 'area' based on post code (up to 20 mile radius) is that they are all a good distance away from me from 15 miles to 20 miles but nothing under that! So the distance might be an issue with all of them and that leaves me with nothing because there is only one doula under 15 miles away from me (6 in fact - she is the closest) but she is far from a trainee and that is something we can not afford. Not to mention that I think having a trainee would be nice. I would like to support a trainee doula seeing as how one day that may also be me....ho hum...hmmm........

Thinking of a Doula

Well...more like searching for one now!
Last night I started to think about the possibility of a doula. DH said 'maybe' and that usually means yes. This morning, it is more of a reality. I just have to find one now!
I am going to email all the doulas available in our area to see if I can find one that is right for our family. DH is a wonderful husband and father and will be a great support to me, but a doula can offer me more of what I need and that is something that my DH has to worry about less as well. So we can all be happy in the end!
I will stick with a 'trainee' doula as they can charge no more than £150 for a birth and that is within our budget.
I can't wait to see which doula we find!!!

Thats what I like to see!

Compared: 14DPO and 17DPO.......

Getting a nice dark line! hehe

Pregnancy in Pictures ~ 4W1D

Here it is....impending bump!

4W1D!

I am 4 weeks and 1 day (LMP) pregnant today!
My cervix is nice and high today (not that it has been low, but it has been questionably more low than high) and I think that may have something to do with the natural progesterone cream that I started taking yesterday. I am not sure, but I think 'how' and 'when' it starts to work is going to vary from person to person - so some may say it works right away whilst others may feel it has taken them a few months to work. I am definitely feeling more pregnant today! hehe
I am also on CD33 - which was my last day of pregnancy last cycle.
Stick stick stick!

Natural Progesterone Cream

My natural progesterone cream (Natpro) arrived today! I am very excited and will happily start using it right away! I got it because I think my progesterone levels are low and this can cause early miscarriages - something I want to prevent! It is also good for preventing pre-term labour as well.
I also bought some Black Haw - which has yet to come but it is supposed to help in the same way! (as in helping to prevent miscarriage and pre-term labour.)
Getting myself covered! hehe
Stick stick stick!!!

Different

So far this pregnancy is very different! (especially considering my last pregnancy was only just a month ago!) For starters, I had no clue (and because of that, no hope) about being pregnant (based on symptoms alone here). My symptoms were all mixed up. An equal amount of 'I could be pregnant' and '...nope, AF is just around the corner!'. Signs that I were sure were positive pregnancy signs last cycle are not really showing up this cycle. My nipples are not sore at all! I have tender breasts, but that is nothing new around this time of the month. Also, my cervix is not so high and creamy. I feel it as sort of middle ground with very little creamy cervical fluid. I think the only real conclusive pregnancy evidence is the colour of my nipples...but even I am not sure if that is just in my head! hehe (I think the are a few shades darker!)
I hope the fact that it is very different from the last pregnancy is a very good thing!
Sticky sticky sticky!!! :)

Stick stick stick

Trying not to worry this time around. I just want this baby to stick stick stick!!!

12DPO

Another picture of a BFP this morning! hehe...

Please sticky baby stick baby stick!!!

OMG!....

BFP!!!

(11dpo)

We did it again!!! - Third time lucky! Yay!...Please baby stick this time!!!

Could it be implantation spotting?!!!

So today I was having some cramping. I have been having some cramping for the past few days...in that general area ...but it always just turns out to be gas! Well no gas today but still some slight cramping. Then this afternoon I felt rather ill - 'morning sickness' kinda ill. A friend I ran into even said I looked kinda pail and I told her I was feeling kinda ill and she immediatly though 'good luck! - Lets hope this is it!'...I am begining to feel the same.

It doesn't help that I come home to use the toilet only to find this!...

Just like my implantation spotting last time! A tiny bit of fresh blood in clear creamy cervical fluid! I never get fresh blood when AF is around the corner. I get spotting, but my AF spotting (even my m/c spotting the day before) is more of a brown creamy cervical fluid followed by the next day of full on bleeding.

So...I think this might be it!!! I am crossing everything and hoping and praying and trying to think positive and be happy! I really really hope I have a growing little bundle of baby in there. And I so hope that this time I have a baby that sticks!

Sticky sticky sticky sticky sticky please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Agnus Castus (chasteberry) - a.k.a. Vitex!

Well...I sent my DH out to H&B again today (they should know him by name now! hehe) to get me some Angus Castus (Vitex). It is well known for balancing hormones during the menstrual cycle in women who are estrogen dominant and is used by many to help aid in fertility during TTC. I think this could be what my 'problem' might be. I think I might have low progesterone (and as a result - too much estrogen) - I have a lot of signs that point to this. These things should be balanced. Low progesterone might even be linked to the cause of some miscarriages. So of course, paranoid me will want to make sure I can prevent all the nasty stuff from happening if I can!
So here goes...add it to my pic n' mix batch! hehe

Feeling crappy

I took a pregnancy test - and it was a negative. I know I know...I am only 8DPO. But at least last time I got what looked almost like an evap line so I had some hope then. My symptoms are also just too different this cycle around. The only symptom I think I can actually count on right now is my cervix and cervical fluid - which is high and creamy at the moment and I do believe that is at least a good sign. However, I kinda knew I was going to have a miscarriage last cycle when my cervix dropped the day before I started bleeding heavily but it is usually up and down and up and down during the 2ww when AF is on her way...so right now I feel I am just waiting for it to drop because I do not think we have been lucky this cycle. I was thinking it might be my progesterone. If I am not pregnant this cycle, I will add progesterone cream to my list of TTC pic n' mix I think. Just need to find some at a reasonable price now!
The only odd extra symptom I have this month that I have never had is itchy boobs!...No idea what that could mean though. They itch on the inside though, not an itch that I can really itch, if that makes any sense. Like how a wound itches when it is healing.
I will not be temping for a few days to help take my mind off things as temping really can not tell me anything right now anyhow. I will try and hold out until at least Friday to take another test. If that shows no glimmer of hope, then I will try and wait until next Tuesday which is when my period should be 'due'.

Arggh!

Well...halfway through my third 2ww and I just do not know what to think. My symptoms are all mixed up but today I have no hope at all because I am so bloody irritable that I just figure it could be nothing other than PMS! And I guess I am just feeling really do down today because of it :(. Another few days and I will start testing. It ain't over till its over.

Implantation cramping?

Well...it certainly feels that way and at 6dpo (CD24) its surely far too early to be anything else. I am trying very hard to be hopeful and trying very hard not to get my hopes up. It is a vicious battle. I will be inspecting my toilet paper closely for the next few days...now where is that magnifying glass of mine? lol

Anovulatory + Crosshairs...

Well, here I was thinking that this just might be my first anovulatory cycle but then FF just gave me crosshairs on my chart this morning! I still feel a bit 'iffy' about it but I do think that FF might be correct as it has been rather chilly these past few nights and my temp more resembles a post-O temp because I slept with extra blankets on as I couldn't put up with the uncomfortable cold anymore! (I slept wonderfully too because of it! hehe). I still am not feeling very positive for this cycle though. I am having a lot of mixed up stuff so here it is:

Signs for me ~ I am craving savories such as cheese and pasta. Sensitive nipples. Clear skin, despite being oily this morning I have no spots! My skin was very clear during my pregnancy with Duncan. No bloating. I am not feeling or looking the slightest bit bloated which I always do pre-AF. My cervical fluid went straight to creamy from egg whites. It usually goes dry then creamy pre-AF.
Signs against me ~ My face was kinda oily this morning which it usually is when AF is around the corner. I am also craving chocolate which I usually do pre-AF. Sore breasts, could be either for or against me sign though but I normally always have sore breasts pre-AF as well.
Confusions ~ I am not gassy, and I usualy am either way. I am also not sure how much I can trust my cycle post m/c. Besides my temps seeming to be all over the place, my ovulation (if I did indeed ovulate at all) and fertile signs (cervix and membranes) are all pretty much as usual! I want to be hopeful but I also do not want to fall into the naive trap again. I have read and been told that one is more fertile after a m/c but I don't want to just bet on that.
As usually though...either way, I will only just have to wait and see I guess won't I!