Sunday, 21 December 2008

Hopeful, Conclusions

So the time draws near again...that 'time' of the month. I am due AF sometime around Christmas. I am of course hopeful that our earlier frolicks this month have landed us with a success in the baby making department. At the begining of this cycle I started on the progesterone cream again (Natpro) and unlike our last try I have been on it now for my whole cycle and not just after I have ovulated. I will continue to stay on it until at least 10 weeks of pregnancy, if I should ever get there! Of course we are not actually 'trying', but we were not preventing either and I know roughly about when I ovulated so there is a pretty good chance there...which brings me to some conclusions: The first month that we set off in TTC was unsuccessful - the months after that we were. The only difference was that my DH was not on any supplements (specifically aimed towards TTC). So, if we are not successful this month (and as we are not actually 'trying' - DH is on no supplements) that leads me to believe that part of the 'problem' lies with him (and I think this would have to do with his smoking). I came to this conclusion in that we fall pregnant when we are supplemented, but are unsuccessful - despite having sex before, around, and after (just in case!) ovulation - when we are not on supplements (and by 'we' - I mean DH). What other conclusion could there be? I find it highly unlikely that one could not fall pregnant otherwise with so much baby dance juice (hehe) around for the time of ovulation! So why are our babies not sticking? Well the blood tests they did came back normal so there are no answers there, that 'problem' could have been down to unlucky chance or perhaps a real problem that lies in either of us (I am thinking that 'problem' is more likely to be mine). So if I have to suffer another miscarriage, then I will be going back to my GP and asking them specifically what tests they did exactly and what other tests could perhaps be done.
If I am pregnant, I will know when my period has not showed up ...despite all that has happened to me since our journey began, my cycles are still very regular. But I will be too afraid to take a test and just will be holding on to hope until I get to a place where I feel it is 'safe' enough to not worry about about m/c again! I asked my DH if he would like us to tell his parents in the new year if I am indeed pregnant (I will know full well by then that I am if AF has not arrived!) and he said that perhaps he should wait... Maybe he does not have much faith in this? I am not sure if he is just being naturally cautious and does not want me to get my hopes up and hurt again as I have before, or if he is being pessimistic. I am not sure how either really make me feel!
At least Christmas is just around the corner! - I have more than a handful of wonderful things to keep my mind occupied!

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