Sunday, 1 March 2009

Chemical Pregnancy

Well thats what they call them, and thats what I think I have had.
I did have three (each on a different brand of - Two different types of internet cheapies and a First Response) positive pregnancy tests (though very faint) last week. But slowly my pregnancy symptoms started to go away (no more tender nipples and no more sore/tender lower back for example) and now...nothing. Not even an evap. Last night I had spotting, so here comes AF. Slightly late as well I think, though I am not sure for this cycle because I ovulated (and thats pretty much confirmed!) so much earlier than I normally would (thanks to the maca!).
Whats wrong with my body? Fates cruel joke? It will happen when I stop trying right? ...Well, how do I stop trying? - How do I stop wanting a baby?
For the next few months I am taking a break...and yeah, I mean it this time. I am going to focus my energy on something else that needs doing - weight loss. We shall see how that goes. I will be using SlimShot (and I don't usually buy/fall for that kind of stuff but I have a few close friends who have used it and lost a stone in a month with no real diet/exercise changes in their life! - So why not? Can't hurt either way). I need some control in my life right now, I feel completly out of it and its making me a very depressed and angry person which in turn is making me not the best mother I can be to the son I already have. Perhaps this will be the start on the road to acceptance and maybe I will be blessed with a bundle of joy along that road as a surprise gift for my patience? Sigh...Why is it that everyone I know seems to have no problem having a baby then? Why is it that they say 'We are going to try for a baby!' and the next thing you know, they are pregnant? Why can't I try too?
Think I will also get blood clotting disorders checked out (if the GP hasn't already).

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